God With Us
Birthday Reflections--the joy, the sorrow, the delights of life
Last week I celebrated my 38th birthday and while I had a truly delightful day and weekend of eating good food, buying good books, and enjoying my family and friends, also present were waves of disappointment and grief over some personal circumstances as well as my birthday weekend ending in a kiddo’s broken arm after cartwheel racing went wrong.
It’s intriguing to me that this happened because a few days prior to my birthday I felt a gentle nudge from the Lord regarding the way that I can often wish for things to be “picture perfect” and when they so often aren’t I am tempted to disregard the little joys and delights that come even when a day doesn’t go as planned. This can look as simple as a kid throwing a fit on an outing that is meant to be a fun surprise. It can also be my unwillingness to sit in discomfort or major disappointment and sadness. I’m often an all or nothing person and can feel like something is ruined just because it’s not ideal.
But I sense that embracing discomfort actually chisels the edges of my heart and allows my eyes to be opened to beauty in new ways. This weekend, I was feeling trembly as I held my daughter’s hand in the ER, the attending doctor giving her sedation medicine through an IV so she wouldn’t remember her bones getting reset. I glanced down at the doctor’s apple watch and saw the name, “Emmanuel.” Immediately my heart stirred. Perhaps the name of the doctor’s son or husband texting her just at that moment. And yet a clear reminder to me: “God with us.” I didn’t feel peaceful when I saw that, I didn’t feel particularly comforted or encouraged, but I did feel steadied by the truth. God’s with-ness in the room, regardless of my own emotions.
Shortly after, when I was waiting outside the room where the doctors were doing aforementioned bone resetting, I picked up my phone to distract myself, as one does. But the first thing I saw on social media was not a funny video or good recipe, it was an update that an acquaintance of mine had passed away from her battle with a swift and brutal stomach cancer. I didn’t know this woman very well but she, like me, was a mother of little children. She was a follower of Jesus and a beautiful person. I had followed her journey and knew this news was forthcoming. There was no way to talk myself into a good place about what happened to her. It’s all sadness and discomfort. But I do know this: “Emmanuel. God with us.”
I don’t have any grand intentions for my 39th year of life. All I feel certain of is that I want to be swept into the Spirit’s presence, my soul gazing upon a saving God1. I am blessing myself to receive God’s with-ness in the delights, in the mundane, and in the sadness that is life.
This morning on a walk I listened to Lectio 365 and my soul rose to the words:
“Lord Jesus, wake me up to your presence today. Let me see your beauty and hear your voice–above the noise, beneath the fear, and within my everyday life.”
May you know God’s presence today as you awake to the Spirit.
Books:
I had quite a bookish birthday with a book store gift card bouquet from my family and a book store crawl with my friends. I came hope with a delightful stack and had the absolute best time.
I also used a gift card to purchase Sue Monk Kidd’s new memoir: Writing, Creativity, and Soul. I absolutely cannot wait to dive in!
Food:
For many birthdays growing up, my birthday breakfast request was lox and bagels. As an adult it’s still my favorite and I got to enjoy Flour Moon for the absolute most delicious breakfast.
My husband took me to a new restaurant in New Orleans by a chef we love. Saint Claire recently made it into a NY Times list of America’s best new restaurants. It was spectacular. Every bite, perfection. (For the foodies, we enjoyed: ciabatta bread with butter and peach preserves, smoked beets, duck andouille gumbo, gnocchi with lobster in butter sauce, grouper with fried okra and a zingy tomato sauce, blueberry hand pies with ice cream, and two delicious, bring N/A drinks!)
As part of my birthday book store crawl, we stopped at St. James Cheese Co and Trumpet and Drum Espresso. Two Favorites!
Thanks for reading!
-Jillian
My favorite quote from A.W. Tozer’s The Pursuit of God
Love how you captured and named this. 🤍